Thoughts and a little bit more...

Back to Square 1..

2011-04-05T12:58:00.006+08:00

Wow, I have gained weight; AGAIN.

"What? After all I’ve been through to lose 7 kg early last year, I’ve put it back on with an ADDITIONAL 0.5kg?!?! Whatever happened to my increased confidence that grew with the weight loss?"

This is bad, not only did I experience the 'yo-yo' cycle of weight loss and gain I also put on extra. As if the fat’s back with a vengeance.

In actual truth, it was me who was back with a vengeance. My eating habits spun out of control. I defected from my efforts and betrayed my personal cause.

I feel bad.

At a time when things are going to the next stages in life, it’s very much a late sign that I haven’t gotten my act together as much as I had thought. Self-discipline’s sorely lacking for starters..

I have to get my act together. It’s too late to say that I am “running out of time” because I’m very much overdue in my goals. Same goes for my other plans, including my money and life goals.. I’m taking my own sweet time, for too long.

I suspect this might have been the pattern: The lost weight was very gradually creeping back in but I didn’t pay it any attention; I was busy resting on my laurels of the previous victory. The last 3 months have been the worst; I completely gave up my exercise program, slipped off my eating disciplines and generally lazed at home. And look where it got me; not back to square 1 rather square 0.

I think the main thing I had forgotten to keep up with is the “never again” mantra. I relaxed and the mantra melted into the background of my thoughts. I think I am fundamentally a lazy person (my mom was SOOOoo right about this!!). When my work hit a smaller peak-period in the last quarter of the year, I relaxed. My relaxation translated into laziness and I slid off the discipline wagon as well.

That is just sad. I knew I had put on weight but refused to weigh myself in the past 2 months; for fear of the truth I guess. The bitter truth that I have to take full responsibility for all my actions and the consequences of this laziness that I had allowed to takeover these past few months.

It is saddening that I would even have taken it this far. I should have known better.

It is not the end of the world; I can start again. A matter of placing effort into rescheduling my life around being fit and light-weight. It is not as simple, but not impossible either.

That is my new theme for this year:- Fit and Light-weight.

Light would not mean that I have to drop kilos to cut my BMI in half; rather, the motive is to ensure I feel light on my feet. That’s most important; I desperately need to cut off this lethargy I feel creeping on me every day. It feels frustrating to have that feeling of something dragging you down in speed, physically and mentally.

Here goes then, let’s do it.

2011-03-04T10:48:00.001+08:00

4^th March 2011.

2 and a half years since my last blog post; Wow.

Very Long Indeed.

I would honestly say that I have not been sincerely putting my thoughts into words.. Although my work efforts are more now, I shall try and keep up my efforts for this blog. At the very least, it would help me focus my writing in a better fashion.

:-)

2008-08-24T21:08:00.012+08:00

Sunday, 24th August 08...

Yesterday, Minnie, Aishah and myself were due to go for a Charity Fun Walk at the Esplanade Park. But it had been pouring since late morning and the weather didn't change for the better at all for the rest of the day... The initial plan was to go for the Walk, check out the carnival at the end of it and then meet XiuTing (XT) for the Singapore Fireworks Celebration 2008 held that night nearby too...

When we finally got around to meeting each other at CityHall at about 4.30pm, it was still raining and I was no longer in the mood to go for the Walk.; especially not in the rain. Minnie did mention it too and we convinced Aishah to go along with our proposed plans... Hehehehehe... We even went to the extent of cooking up funny excuses to get ourselves excused come Monday... **rolls eyes and shakes head...

As I was still in my "sporty" outfit with obsolete sandals and Aishah wanted to change her top, we headed into Raffles City Shopping Centre. Unfortunately, the washroom lines were all the way up to the ladies' entrances itself on various floors!! So, we did the unthinkable and approached a really nice children's outfit shop, requesting to use their changing room. They very, very kindly obliged; God Bless them all... So myself and Aishah got changed and we started on our adventure. Due to the change in plans, we decided to walk about the mall before meeting up with XiuTing later in the evening...

XiuTing, being the sweety-pie she is, had actually offered to share her tickets to the fireworks show with us.. And that's how we got to the show. Sweet thing!.. Muacks!!!

As I had only a quick brunch earlier in the day (a super-small pack of nasi lemak) and was feeling quite peckish, we headed to the basement's "Out of the Pan" place for a quick bite. Although Minnie and Aishah initially planned on just desserts, upon the sight of the crepes, we all ended up ordering the savoury crepes too... Nice and simple food; albeit a little expensive, but still different from the usual pastas, sandwiches, etc. Minnie and Aishah shared a cheese chicken sausage crepe and I had the bratwurst sausage crepe with sun-dried tomato flour... Hmmm, are you wondering if the crepe might have turned out red in colour? Hahahaha! Nah, it was just a little orange but it did have a tinge of the "tomatoey" flavour I had hoped for.

We got desserts too... Aishah and Minnie shared the triple chocolate dessert while I got the pecan pie. Boy, don't I feel like a pig now!! Both desserts were good-looking, in particular, the triple choc was certainly the best thing to satisfy a sweet tooth although mine was not outstanding at all. I was really disappointed in the crust of the pie: a rock-hard / no butter / cheap-looking / mass-made type of crust used with minimal pecans and a rather burnt sugar and butter base. Caramelisation is one thing, burnt is another.

Anyway, having ourselves filled with happy food and thoughts, we ascended the floors of the mall in search of wonderful windows to look through. Among the shops we went to, two stood out, because that's where we found really nice stuff...

River Island & Esprit.

River Island has some really good accessories. I found a pair of really cool sunglasses priced at $43, and then a nice pair of blinged bracelets, one in pink and the other in blue. Nice, really nice.. I was very taken in by the sunglasses but didn't purchase it. (Am currently trying to watch my budget.)

Next, we walked into Esprit. Spotted a beautiful bag and found various colours for the same model. We did more exploring and found the most nicest of nice hats and berets too! Aishah eventually purchased a very pretty black one for herself; it looks really nice and sweet on her, I tell ya... I found a brownish one later too, brown mini-stripes with glitter thread sewn in; in the men's section of all places, but it looked good ok! And I do kinda regret not purchasing it... The cap really upped the funk factor in my outfit...

We carried on shopping until we met XiuTing and Andrew outside Starbucks. The 4 of us ladies then headed for the NDP Parade grounds... That was where the show was to be held. Although it was raining throughout, I still think the wait was worth it. It was so immense and colourful and loud.

When we got to the complex, there was a mini-carnival of food and crafts/gifts all around below the stands... You can always trust Singapore to never let its people go hungry.. Hahaha!! :-P

So we got some munchies and headed up the stands... We kept climbing and climbing up to our row (row number 44) and after a while, it started to feel as if we were being punished for skipping the Charity Walk earlier... (Had we attended that Charity Walk, it would have been just 2.5km but I'm guessing we walked quite a few more kilometres than that on that night...) There was also a performance by TKS (Tanjong Katong Sec Sch) before the actual fireworks display.

When the fireworks started, it never seemed to end. The colours, the noise and the smoke was so much for the senses. I loved it. Colours of red, green, white, gold, and blue were so pretty that I could only wish for them to be in the palm of my hand. It was beautiful, simply breathtaking. What an eye and earful... Yay!! :-)

So, after the fireworks display, there was a live performance by "Cats in the Cradle", a local band that had taken part in the Singapore show "Live the Dream"... Their selection of songs was good and would have been the perfect end to a night of revelry at the parade ground before people moved on back to the Esplanade for some real partying...

However, this is where the organisers screwed up; they had a US comedian as the last act of the night following the live band. How silly, to mix up a natural sequence. I felt bad for the performer as he ended up performing more for an empty audience... How silly of the organisers to do such a thing; they have insulted the performer and have embarassed themselves. I hope they eventually learn that it's not always the money that makes a good performer, it's about the audience and the reception the performer gets...

Anyways, as we went back towards the Esplanade, we ended up walking even more as several areas had been boarded up and closed. But Minnie bought her favourite chocolate-coated strawberries too... They are juicy and oh-so-delish, I tell ya!.. ;-)

We eventually made it back to the station at CityHall and after saying a huge round of goodbyes, made our respective ways home..

Now that, was a very sweet, sweet Saturday... :-)

**grins**

2008-08-17T17:29:00.004+08:00

17th Aug 08...

Yesterday was a blast!!! Kamy and I met up after she finished her tuition classes and we went shopping at CCK. We caught up on times and had dinner before our little "escapade"... Hee hee hee!!!

I bought a lot of crazy things. A Disney TV pencil (you have to see it to know what it's all about), we got 3 pairs of earrings each and I also got a crazy pair of new, WHITE, shoes... Can you believe it? WHITE... What was I thinking? Then again, you never know your stand on something until you've tried and experienced it right??..... So, I'm actually quite happy with my buy...

Went home and showed off my shoes in the kitchen and the TV pencil in the living room. Mom rolled her eyes.. Whatever baby.. ;-)

I'm having a blast this weekend and I deserve it; for all things past and the stuff to come in the near future. When the NDR takes place tonight though; God Bless us all...

Oh well, I guess everyone's gearing up for the momentum that's about to happen soon... We'll have to tough through everything no matter what...

~~~

2008-08-07T11:49:00.007+08:00

7th August 2008; Thursday.

National Day is just a couple of days away… 9th August 2008. I’m feeling more and more excited over it… Especially since I saw the fireworks up close about a month ago during the rehearsals (please see one of my previous posts for that story). It was so beautiful; it made me wish I was sharing it with someone special. Yes, I know it seems very much a cliché for me to feel that way but it’s undeniable that a single might judge certain moments as worth sharing with a loved one. To be a kid all over again; to marvel in wonder as the colours burst in the sky; from the darkness come brilliance in front of your very eyes. Beautiful.

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Yesterday was our National Day Observance Ceremony at the HQ’s Plaza. The Plaza turned out to be the space just in front of the HQ entrance.

Hmmmm…

But it was not that bad an observance ceremony. We sang the national anthem, said the pledge, had a fly-past (2 in fact) and also had some performances by children from the Little Skoolhouse and boys from the Singapore Boys’ Home. The kids were so adorable. I’ve some pictures taken of their performance too... Shall upload it when I have the time at home to sit down at my laptop. Of course, we cannot deny the sense of humour our organizing committee had when the first fly-past consisted of us throwing paper aeroplanes into the sky. Then, we had a proper one, albeit still lame though. Two electronically-operated (toy) helicopters flew past with one bearing the Singapore National Flag. Although it was funny and lame, I still felt grateful for being in this country; my country. I’m so glad.

I’m so glad we’re free, that we don’t have to always look out for something that could kill us all who were gathered there, glad that the fear of death did not hang over us and cling to our backs as a burden. I’m glad that we were there, living and breathing air that was free, that could not be snatched away in an instant. I value my freedom. Many do not realize the extent of it in this country. To be able to walk along the streets without the danger of being abducted away or worse, abducted and raped; being blown to bits or even shot dead at point-blank range. For this amount of freedom and safety, I’m just glad; grateful and glad…

This morning, I pondered very deeply (on my way to work).

How nice the world would be if every man would just spend time seeking his own heaven? But then again, that is a dangerous wish since one man’s heaven might just well be another’s hell. So where is the balance to be struck?…

~~--~~--~~--~~--~~--~~--~~--~~--~~--~~--~~--~~--~~

2008-08-04T14:09:00.002+08:00

Monday, 14th August 2008.

I miss her greatly. The days of laughter and nonsensical giggling are over… Long gone… The others have been trying to get me to talk to her again… But it’s been so long. I don’t think we can touch base on anything anymore… And plus, there’s no guarantee she’ll talk anyway. I’ve already said that I’m not gonna be apologetic anymore. There was fault on her side too. She failed as a friend to stand up for someone. Especially in the face of betrayal. I can’t forget that ever. The look of uneasiness on her face as she broke the news to me. I can never forget that day. So much conspiracy, so much scheming. I can’t forgive or forget her lapse of judgment.

Ah, then what about mine? My lapse of judgement. It is not entirely her fault for the events that followed either. I was to blame too for the freak accident that happened. So what could possibly happen to repair that which was lost anymore? Loss of trust by both could not possibly help either side on repairing anything ever again…

I should call her… Should I call her?? I’ll think about it. A message is too impersonal right? Ok, I’ll call her when the time comes.

~The death of a friendship is a pit which knows no end in the abyss of deaths.~

2008-08-03T15:49:00.000+08:00

Ok, I’ll admit that for this particular post, I’m feeling a bit peeved when writing.

There is always an element of respect in every form of relationship; even with strangers.
And there will always be a line one should never cross… Matters under the sky must always be considered with all potential consequences in mind. When one fails to think thoroughly, one makes mistakes.

One of the greatest weaknesses to have today is to be giving. Not in the sense of worldly possessions, but in that of caring. We live in a world that is dominated with selfishness and advantages… Advantage over those around you, over loved ones and even over complete strangers. When you reach a point of patience becoming a thin layer of ice, it is a break-point. A break-point that can easily come around as an upsurge. What happens then? When one crosses the limit in respect, things begin to break down. There may be course for repair while in other cases; they may even dissolve to a point of nothingness. It really all depends, on circumstance.

I’ve made some decisions recently without even realizing it. Hence, it’s about time it all gets acted upon and fulfilled. So here I go on my adventure… And I will no longer apologize to anyone for it.

~`~`~Cheers!~`~`~

2008-08-01T17:10:00.002+08:00

Friday, the 1st of August 2008.

The last thing anyone could possibly need would be to disrupt the harmony of a friendship with a fast mouth… I should know.

Sometimes, there comes a situation where a person speaks inadvertently on something that is funny or intimate and the conversation is accidentally held amongst extra presences, what should one best do? I better learn on this one fast enough before I make that blunder again.

Such is how friendships can possibly die I guess…

Ok, here goes…

I am sorry I cut off the conversation so abruptly; causing you hurt and embarrassment in the process.

I’m gonna explain myself here: - The topic was a rather intimate one and was something out of the blue; but the discussion on it ended up amongst several faces which I was not very comfortable with. I guess it would probably have been a totally different story had the conversation been only in the presence of a more select bunch of people. Unfortunately, seeing no other possible way of attracting your attention to hold off on the topic for a little while longer, I had no choice but to intervene and hastily cut it off. I know the approach was wrong but the situation became a tad desperate.

Hence my apology again as it was not my intention to cause humiliation to anyone in the process of trying to maintain my privacy over a certain matter.

I am not sure if the explanation helps in showing my view of the incident. And I’m not sure if it makes sense but I sure hope it does though.

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Casual Friday...

2008-07-18T15:46:00.004+08:00

Today is Friday, the 18th of July… Casual Friday at the office... :-)

Last Saturday was an absolute blast. 7 of us, including Miss Nathan, met up for dinner; we had made dinner reservations at Al Dente Trattoria, an “italiano ristorante” at the Esplanade. :-)

It is the only restaurant there with a roof-top terrace, according to Nicole. Our timing was perfect, with the National Day Parade rehearsals going on nearby. From 7.30pm onwards we were treated to the occasional fireworks displays.

But it was only at 8.00pm when it became a true fiesta… Big, beautiful fireworks displays beamed upwards into the sky and burst into sparkling candour. Gold, blue and white, red, with a hint of green here and there amongst glowing champagne sparkles… It was beautiful. Loud yes; but beautiful.

We had a ball of a time catching up with everyone and updates about others who couldn’t attend. It is so interesting to know of the different paths all of us are pursuing… And as Miss Nathan reminds us all, we must never forego our passions in life to achieve something superficial.

Always follow your dreams and remain true to yourself.

I’ve been out with the flu and lately, a recurring fever for much of the past week… Did see the family doctor and ended up on M.C. for Tuesday. It didn’t work miracles eventually. I’ve been getting a fever every night since Wednesday and it always carries forward into the next morning. I constantly choked and “almost died” by coughing too… Hahahaha! Not much consolation to be had there…

An assistant manager in my office ended up having his car window smashed open and his work laptop stolen on Wednesday night. Talk about tough luck… Since it was the work laptop of a civil servant, the ISD would probably be very interested in tracking the whereabouts of the laptop too… What an inconvenience to have your “workplace” computer taken! Imagine the amount of work and all that could have been lost if it had been saved on the desktop! Sigh, that’s why I can safely say that it was all just downright dumb luck…

Today, we met with Xiu Ting for lunch. She’s back from her trip to Hong Kong and is waiting to enter NUS in Aug/Sept. Lots of good, great luck to her!!! :-) We went to “Anatolia”, a Turkish restaurant at Far East Plaza. As I was too sick to have anything else, I had an omelet as a main course and rice pudding for desert, with a teeny-tiny glass of Turkish tea. It was very filling for the tummy… Minnie and Xiu Ting had the Doner Pancake (which was more like a wrap) while Aishah had the sandwich (which looked more like a burger), I believe. I’ll admit that while I had asked for the chillies and spices to be removed I ended up adding in paprika and pepper to liven up the dish a bit… But I can’t help it!! I’ve been having bland bread and buns for a few days and am dying of lack of flavour in my life… Boo Hoo Hoo!!...

And I’m meeting my buddy Charlene tomorrow for a movie, according to our existing plans… And Kim’s coming too… Kinda makes me a tad nervous about it all since it’s been extremely long since we both met; in fact, since our JC days… I am greatly hoping that everything will go ok.

And I just got news that the same assistant manager’s car just got hit by a lorry (I think) last night. Talk about bad luck!!! Wow, his luck just isn’t shining at all right now I guess.

Anyway, life does deal you all sorts of things, but one must be brave enough to face them all, no matter what kind of nonsense it conjures up…

Oh well, I just hope I’ll feel better by the end of today so tomorrow wouldn’t be a bad outing with Charlene and Kim.

Until the next post,

~`~`~Toodle-do!!...~`~`~

2008-07-08T15:46:00.003+08:00

Tuesday, 8th July 2008...

I seriously do wonder sometimes why a person is like that. Most people I speak to conclude that there must have been a forceful event to bring out such a behaviour / characteristic. I guess they might just be right about things.

(Today, I am going to write in plain English… )

Anyway, I had a lot of fun last weekend. Well, apart from the fact that my mom dragged me to Little India to get some things… The crowd there on a Saturday is appalling, let alone a Sunday at that.

On Sunday however, I met Charlene for lunch and a movie… It was great. Except for the movie though. “Don’t mess with the Zohan” was a rather lame and sexually shocking movie.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining that it’s too sexual in content; it had a M16 rating. Rather, it should have been a much higher rating. I know that ratings of movies are dependent upon the types of body parts shown in a movie. This movie however, should not be faulted plainly for its obscenity; rather, it is the type of sexual content that should be frowned upon. Imagine a 16-year-old watching a character in the movie that knows and has also walked in on his mom getting b***ed by a guy who he thought was homeless and did nothing about it.

Shocked??

Exactly!!

Precisely my point!!...

The above is just one example of the sexually sick scenarios in the movie. Okay, I wouldn’t say the movie was all that bad but it was not entirely entertaining either. Unless you count perverse humour as fun.

Frankly, Charlene and I were not prepared for the kind of humour Adam Sandler decided to use for this movie. I was a bit disappointed. Even more so, given that I paid 10 bucks for that kind of visual crap… Oh well, you don’t always get what you ask for do you?

I wanna watch Batman (The Dark Knight) next… I have heard rave reviews of Heath Ledger’s performance as the Joker and I have decided to watch it, no matter what. I’ve been told by an old friend once that not everyone could easily bring themselves to get a lone ticket to watch a movie. I’ve decided that I’ll just take the plunge for this one. It’s ok if I look like the loner. If the movie turns out great, I’ll just have to lament the fact that not many peeps around me have the kind of appreciation that I do then…:-P

Oh well, it’s back to work for me… And my hair stinks big time from the fifth-floor “smells” of cooked food and choking/smoking oil… Damn it, I just washed my hair today!

Oh well, that's all for updates for now...

Another Week...

2008-06-23T17:10:00.004+08:00

Monday, 23rd June 2008.

Today is the start to another week of work again. I need a holiday soon. I have been playing around with the idea of a trip either at the end of this year or mid-next year, depending on my schedule. Also, I’m truly wondering of who to ask… It’s gotta be someone I’ve known long enough and is also an adventurous enough devil. I wouldn’t want to venture on too dangerous a journey for my virgin trip and neither would my parents ever let me out of the house if I intended to either. Maybe take up a packaged tour to someplace nice? But many of my friends have “been there and done all that”…… Still considering.

Hmmm...

Anyway, both Minnie and Aishah were supposed to go to Amore for a good workout during lunch together but Aishah fell sick unfortunately; a bad migraine. [Get well soon babe!! :-)] So, the workout plan got postponed and XT, Minnie and I went out for lunch today. I had actually intended to have a light one as I’m meeting my friend Charlene today for dinner but things have turned upside down to quite an extent.

We made the dietary mistake of going to Spageddies for lunch. So there we were, three hungry kittens, surrounded by good food at enormous proportions and without the wisdom to share either. We each took a main course and had desserts too. I had the exact same meal as on a previous visit: - Chicken Diavolo (wood fire-grilled chicken breasts with spaghetti and lovely chunky Neapolitan sauce) and Tiramisu.

Lovely, absolutely lovely…

Except that since the portions were so huge; my plate came with two humongous / “cowabunga!” sized grilled chicken breasts and a “side” of spaghetti. Talk about a feast of meats. Although I managed to finish most of my food, I would have to transfer food from my belly straight to my kidneys if I were to attempt to wipe everything off my plate. Seriously. Even as I sit here at my office desk typing away, I can feel my tummy working overtime to destroy each piece of protein I had chomped on without any guilt. I know I am going to pay for this later, I just know it.

:-P

So, dinner with Charlene might just end up with me getting a drink and pretty much nothing else I guess. (She is going to be so disappointed though...) I think I’ve pretty much hit the target for my protein count for the rest of the week in one meal. I just do not know how the Italians do it. Actually I do but I was just being a bum. Hahahaha...!

By the way, a piece of important advice for everyone out there with sensitive skin: - DO NOT attempt a new face-wash without caution. You might just end up peeling away like a baby snake; like I did.

I tried the Himalaya Neem Facial Wash. That’s right. NEEM facial wash, supposedly good for the skin. Used it only 3 times since Friday last. And my skin started peeling, peeling all over like crazy!! It itched like hell and has only just subsided quite a bit. I haven’t been able to put on any powder since then simply because the peeling skin looks so awful. Today, I piled on the moisturizer before getting my butt out of the house for work. Even then, it has started to show by afternoon and it’s starting to itch too. Damn it. I knew my skin was sensitive but not this sensitive! Sigh, I will have to wait this one out I guess.

Oh well, I have also now come to a conclusion that I shan’t waste my blog page space on a brat going by the moniker BP. BP is a lass who is an ass… Hey! That rhymes!! Wahahaha!!... A self-absorbed insecure brat who surprisingly thinks she’s being smarter than others. Sigh, like I said, I shall reserve much of my blog space to dedicate to other things in the world other than parasites. Unless the THING begins to get on my nerves, then she’s going have it all coming straight to her I tell you. Oh well, she’s very lucky I have better things to do.

Period.

My comments on this:
While some people sell themselves to others to make money, you (BP) sell your self-image to shame for a quick fix of confidence. I’ve given up on trying to change the world by caring over some pathetic people. I’m about as close to giving a “flying flip” over what’s cooking at the next conversation, unlike some weasels. You know what I do with weasels? I stomp on their tails ‘til they yelp for help and scramble for shelter. For a few people who know me well, I do not consider begging for mercy as reason for pardon at all when I become super-pissed. I become very, very mean. This has happened on only one occasion in my life and it was enough to scare the be-jeezes out of my friend. All her eyes said were, I never knew you had it in you. Oh well, that was quite some time ago and I wish to forget that I had even been pushed into such a situation.

Ok, ok, I shall stop typing away now. I bet Minnie might be thinking as she reads this: “this girl doesn’t blog for ages and then puts in a very long one when she finally does. Sheesh!!” Wahahaha!!...

~~~End~~~

Lunchtime today..

2008-06-10T15:54:00.003+08:00

June, the 10th...

Today is a very quiet day at the office. So many amongst our staff are either on leave (June holiday trips) or on MC…

Aishah (aka Banu the Brave), Xiuting and I went out for lunch today… We went to Cineleisure and had BK. It was good and it was sinful. I loved it. Ever since the BK at Far East closed, we’ve had lesser and lesser opportunities to have it for lunch. These days, when the entire office is too busy, we just end up ordering Macs’ Delivery instead. Although I am not a fan of Macs, I do occasionally eat their food, especially if I have no choice.

Today, I had the BK tendergrill burger; juicy grilled chicken on a corn-dusted bun with lettuce and tomato. (I unfortunately cannot place any of the veggie ingredients in the plural since a fast food company’s policy is more often than not, to avoid too much of any vegetative produce.) I am being sarcastic here.

Anyway, we then went to Heeren for a little window shopping. Actually, Aishah and I intended to look for accessories that fell under the “bling” category, in keeping with the theme (for Thana's 21st birthday). I ended up finding a pretty flower ring in various colors and it seemed so sweet I couldn’t resist purchasing it. Truth be told, I am not an “accessory person” at all. I have been using only a few pieces since my school days: - damn, I sound so old which I am NOT by the way. Hehehehe... Anyway, I truly hope I would be able to attend her party 'cus my Dad's also trying to get me to go for another dinner engagement on that same evening.

Darn it... Hopefully I'll be able to escape this one...

Anyway, I was quite hesitant about buying it, lest I don’t wear or it breaks (I realized that the ‘petals’ could move!) so I decided to walk around other shops first. But, as we came back around, I couldn’t bring myself to head back to the office without purchasing the ring… So, I purchased it and it is now sitting in my bag…

When we got back, Melvin was asking if we had purchased anything, so I showed him the ring and he did comment that it was pretty. So, I guess I made a good purchase. I might just get a picture of it up here if I manage to get a shot of it soon. (**giggle, giggle!)

I can’t wait to show Minnie the ring when she gets back. That’s right. The pandikutty is now in Australia, "frolicking" away in the Brisbane winter with her parents while I’m freezing back here in the office. We’re continents apart but I’m trying not to miss her so much ‘cus she’ll be back next Monday… Can’t wait..! :-)

It’s great to get away on a trip with your family often so everyone can relax and unwind together without having life’s annoying intrusions such as our day jobs coming in to disrupt the peace. I can’t wait to plan another proper, faraway trip with my family too… We haven’t gone anywhere faraway in the past one year except for our trip to India last year. One consideration would be my dad’s constant traveling. He’s always flying elsewhere for work reasons; practically a monthly affair now. So, it gets kinda difficult to plan for holidays without knowing he’d be free for sure…

Anyways, it has been decided that one of my own major trips in a couple of years WILL be to Brazil, for the Mardi Gras. I've kept it at a couple of years so I will have time to slim down to a bikini size… (DON'T laugh, I’m being realistic here ok!) And I do want to start traveling on my own soon anyhow. But I haven’t thought of a nice, suitable place yet… Will come up with a place soon and start planning… My friends have already started traveling across continents so I’d have to start soon enough to catch up on the world. Oh well, that’s pretty much it for my blog post today…

Oh yeah, and I think I haven’t mentioned this yet, but I got my eyes “Lasiked”, (if there is such a term in existence at all) recently; in mid-May. Healing already. Can’t wait for it to completely heal… Then I can return to my normal life. Normal, I mean especially for things surrounding my eyes, like washing my face for example. I’ve had to “modify” my style of doing so ever since. The use of a washcloth is quite good but somehow it just never feels good or clean enough. And I’ve had to forget about scrubs too. Sigh...

Oh well, it’s only a matter of time. So, I’ll wait.

~~Cheers!!~~

Have you ever known?

2008-05-26T22:26:00.002+08:00

I seek something. Seek a utopia where a heart is loved beyond what meets the eye. Where love and affection is truly blind and knows no boundaries. Some seek it in their children; others, in the arms of another. So where do I find my utopia?

My inner world is upset, unbalanced. When I seek comfort to come home, I am met with an underlying hatred that runs deep amidst past scars of an untold history. What have I done wrong?

Why the fear to be accepting? Imperfection is beautiful too.

“Entha pennillum illatha ondru, etho, athu etho; adi etho unnidam irukirathu”… The sheer lines speak of acceptance of imperfection; yet they only represent a dream / an reflection we all yearn for.

Behold the wishfulness of a person; it can be very strong for a faith but it can be broken by a loved one very easily.

I think I am in love. With what or whom, I do not know. But I wish for a love to take me far far away. A place with silence. With safety, a harness to someone whom I can place my life and trust in.

“Penn illatha ooriley, adi aan poo ketpathillai. Penn illatha ooriley kodithan poo poopathillai.”

“Nee anaikindra velayil, uyir poo vidukindru malarum” I seek not…

I seek warmth. A chest of armour for me to rely on for strength for now I feel I may be losing my grip; my strength. The presence of a man can be nought; but the presence of fearlessness and a reassurance is what I seek. I seek Man not for him, but for his bravery and freedom.

How do I trust you? With my life? My freedom? My thoughts? Would it be safe? Dear complete stranger; how do I love thee with my heart? With reckless abandon? Answer me!

Are you even there anymore? You seem to blend in with the shadows around now.

I am losing my grip.

-------------End.....------------------

A fight that could have died earlier than it did.

2008-04-01T10:45:00.000+08:00

My colleagues and I stumbled upon a fight today, just hours ago, at Scotts Road during lunch time. A man wearing a biker’s helmet and a security guard were fighting. As we arrived near the scene, the biker started to assault him and the two got into a very fierce struggle. When the fight moved from the corner of the Grand Hyatt to the pathway at Scotts Square, it got progressively worse. And the security guards in different uniforms at the walkway came over. But, they didn’t intervene. They just stood around them and from where we were, it seemed as though they were trying to talk the two out of the fight. However, common sense screams that talking people out of a fight should be done after they have been pulled apart.

Aren’t the guards instructed on what to do in such cases? Even then, such reactions should not need to be dictated in a book to be followed as protocol; it should be carried out on a basis of common sense. Since the guards did not budge, neither did the public. And the two continued fighting. What the hell happened here?

Was it a lapse in judgement? Or a poor showing of it? If the public did not want to get involved for fear of getting hurt, that may be a justifiable reason. But for two extra guards to just stand around and watch a fellow security guard and a civilian throw punches at each other is just plain cowardice. Granted one of the guards was in his middle age but what was the other one doing then? If they have the fear of being mildly hurt, then they should not be in such a profession.

I now wonder what the situation would have been like if it had been one of a hostage situation instead. Would they have taken the same stance? Many members attempted to come forward to help break off the two, but with the civilian squirming and struggling, it was rather difficult. Yet, given his petite size, a couple of men should have been enough to keep him still and to prevent him from further attacking the guard. Let alone the protection of the public, the two guards watching the scene did not even come forward to help one of their own. Are security guards actually instructed not to interfere with the matters of guards from a different company?

The incident was a rather disruptive one to have occurred amongst a lunchtime crowd. And with security officers at hand, it has proven to be an even more shameful incident for us all. I was unfortunately unable to save the video recording of the incident, as it was intended to be put up on STOMP for everyone to watch and learn on what NOT to do in incidents like these.

-~-~-~-~-~-

Just pondering...

2008-03-17T17:50:00.006+08:00

Today, Melvin, Minnie and I were chatting for a bit at Minnie’s cubicle. About striking up conversations and pick-up lines… Minnie was relating the lamest pick-up she ever heard too... And I’ve had some kinda weird experiences too, but luckily, none of them turned out for the worst.

I’m not sure why but lately it’s hit me that I’m single… Am I still a swinging one at that? That, I don’t know anymore though… I feel the looks and even catch the gaze of many. But I know I’m inherently shy about things. And I’ve never dated before anyway. I’m not the sort to keep looking till I find someone. Unfortunately, more than I’d like to admit, I’m still waiting for my prince charming. I often tell myself that I still have time to wait… Actually, that’s just me being lazy about things.

Quite a few of my closest buds are very much at the end of their tether on trying to get me to go places and meet new people. And I can safely say that friend “A”, has officially given up on getting me to date a guy who’s not Indian. Of course, there’s two reasons for that… Firstly, there eventually has to be a conversion and secondly, I’m not allowed out very late at night. This CAN get tough… I'm not exactly a person for the night life itself either; it can get creepy around my neighbourhood late at night.
So, anyway, I’ve decided to bide my time a bit more. ‘Cus truth be told, a guy who can’t make the first move doesn’t seem up to the task at all to me. My preference may seem more traditional than others but those are my preferences anyway. And I’m quite picky too… So, “A”, if you’re reading this, don’t worry babe! I’ll come around soon enough… ;-) Hahahaha!!!...

Basic criteria? Sense of humour, confidence and presentability. He doesn’t HAVE to have a body like Vin Diesel, though that would DEFINITELY be a plus point... Hehehehe… Cheeky, I know, but I do prefer bigger guys to an extent… Not super-huge, like hugging a huge Grecian pillar, but a nice body never hurt anyone right?

Anyway, this is me pondering over something that's not a pressing issue in the first place… I was just letting my mind drift off from work for a couple of minutes…

Ok, back to work again...

-~-~-~-~-~-

A Case of the Munchies...?

2008-03-13T18:04:00.002+08:00

...

Ok, I admit it… I have not been disciplined lately at all. And the scales are giving it away!! Horror of horrors, the truth is finally out of the closet. I’ve gained weight.

I know what my rules are and that the ultimate choice to stick to it all is my own. So, I admit it. I’ve slipped a lot in my resolve, gaining back a bit of what I’ve lost. Anyway, I’m starting to miss clean food… I discover cravings at odd moments for clean, clear-tasting food. And I feel kinda gleeful when I fulfill my craving too… Like today, I had a huge salad from Carl’s Junior that I couldn’t even finish because there were too many greens (actually, lettuce was the culprit). It was the chilled char-grilled chicken salad, with a balsamic vinaigrette dressing. It wasn’t bad overall, except that it’s been raining non-stop for three days straight and I was cold to begin with. So it wasn’t exactly the smartest of lunch choices. But, to comfort me, I also got a small bowl of tomato and vegetable soup from Subway. That helped a little.

Anyway, we made our way back to office pretty fast and got to work, munching away. And we spoke about different things and more. The weather was actually nice and comfy, if you were bundled up in a nice soft blankie… But I forgot my jacket so I’ve had to sit through the various days in the well-chilled office. Oh well…

This morning didn’t have a very pleasant start with many emails including two angrily-worded emails from different company owners… It was due to difficult circumstances which couldn’t be avoided unfortunately. Hence, they faced inconvenience with last-minute cancellations, etc. The situation has since been resolved anyway. So, I’m not going to take anything personally.

Well, that’s pretty much what happened for the day apart from the usual roles and responsibilities… Toodle-do!!!

^*^*^*^*^*^

2008-03-11T10:40:00.002+08:00

I feel a bit stifled today. Probably from the extensive lunch we had yesterday at Carousel… Carousel is a nice place. It was our unit lunch, supposedly under the umbrella of our “healthy lifestyle” thing. So much for a healthy lifestyle huh? It was an extensive buffet spread with dishes from all over the world. And being one of the few halal buffet restaurants, the place was teeming with people. There were so many various dishes from different cuisines that I couldn’t sample everything. It was just too much. And I didn’t get through half the desserts either… It was all a little too much, especially when I’ve not been eating regular big amounts of food for so long. But the food overall was good, except that cut corners could be easily spotted. But I must say, I was pleased with the salad spread, with around 5/6 different tossed salads including roasted pumpkin, artichoke, shrimp and bean salads. The chilled seafood spread was huge but I didn’t touch it as seafood to me, is an affair to hold in private, not consumed right in front of the new boss… Especially when there is a small risk of a crayfish shell flying somewhere… Wahahahaha!!!... That would probably be the worst thing that could possibly happen.

Anyway, we were all pretty stuffed from the food and we slowly made our way to the Cathay near P.S. for our movie. We watched 10,000BC and all I can say is, I’m thankful I hadn’t paid to watch it. Even though it was on a Monday, it still didn’t feel good enough to justify a movie ticket… To anyone interested in watching it, don’t waste your money and time; just wait for the pirated DVDs. If you still want to know why I say this, please go and read the review in yesterday’s Straits Times paper and you’ll understand what I mean.

There was eye candy but it wasn’t enough for me. Lacking in depth, the storyline was flawed and there wasn’t any character (human or beast) development at all. And the ending was painfully pathetic; the typical happy ending without an adequate explanation. The girl with the blue eyes, was she truly enough to keep the movie going? For the men viewers, maybe but certainly not the females. And certainly not film critics. Please disregard my sheer language but to shamelessly screw with history and facts to produce unbelievable nonsense is annoying to say the least. And I thought the “Mummy” franchise was bad. At least in that series, the characters had more entertainment value and there was a bit of eye candy and interesting visuals. Surprisingly, those with European ancestry can never seem to outgrow their infatuation with Egypt and its beautiful history. (So now it seems better explained to me why Anthony could never get over Cleopatra, he simply never grew out of it.) Ok, I profess now that the statement above is my own and does not reflect common sentiment, to the best of my knowledge.

Anyway, it is back to the reality of the workweek again... So much for entertainment. Naturally, such things don't last and they gradually fade away into the background of noise. I might even forget I even watched such a movie some day... Forgetful truly.

'~'~'~'~'

2008-03-07T17:44:00.003+08:00

Today is Friday… Aishah finally came back to work after 3 days MC. I hope her leg gets better…

Anyway, it was just the three of us today, Aishah, Minnie and Me… When Aishah and I went out to get lunch, we seriously splurged on ourselves today… Mansor’s Chicken Briyani and we split a bag of Shihlin chicken too. I also got Subway cookies for both Minnie and Aishah as a treat:- For Minnie to make her feel better about her skirt and for Aishah to welcome her back. We caught up on things over lunch back at the office and Minnie commented that it felt so peaceful. I totally agree.

I am looking forward to the weekend too. Gonna meet up with a couple of old girlfriends to catch up… A close girlfriend of mine is flying off to London for her graduation over the weekend… I wish her all the best. She’s a very driven person, for whom the status quo is never enough. All the best Amelie!!!

I am currently in the office quite busy with work. But I felt like writing something so here I am. Although I have to admit that my writing has gone down the drain pretty much over the years due to lack of effort… My teachers often commented that I could be an author one day. So much for that one book that never got finished. I feel irritated whenever I see it in my drawer. A reflection of efforts abandoned… A long time ago. I’m not even sure if it can be picked up again.
Perhaps I should start on a new slate altogether, what say you? Hmmm, let me ponder over a suitable subject first.

In the meantime, I’ll try and catch up on reading Minnie’s book, “Message in a bottle”. Amazingly, Minnie likes to purchase books. So does my friend, Kamilia. I’m the library sort of person… Maybe one reason is that I wouldn’t want to end up investing in a book that’s not a good enough read? Funny ‘cus my dad used to purchase his books for reading. Oh well, I realized that my dad has a very wide taste in reading and his choice of books are very interesting… So are mine anyway. I don’t fancy much of lovey-dovey, “oh-that’s-so-lovely!” kind of books… I grew up with The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew and even the Singapore ghost stories. I read everything when I was young. But most of all, I grew up with mystery books, cops and the legal system. I’ve read almost everything… From simple fiction, to mysteries to thrillers to science to geographical to dream to literature. Depending on my mood and my immediate choice of the level of challenge, I will choose as I deem it. Often, I borrow three books at a time. That’s my modus operandi… I have come across some appallingly boring and slow-paced books written even by supposedly raved-about authors. But my fave books for passing time are murder mysteries… I could read them anywhere. J This, of course lies in the hands of the author… Most books I’ve placed my faith on have not disappointed me. I like visualization of events; I have a very active imagination mind you… That’s why I love nature too… Visuals can take my breathe away. Even the smallest of things can pull my attention with its beauty.
Oh well, I’m feeling kinda sleepy now from lunch. In the middle of the office. Shall put up another new post soon…

Toodle-do lads!!

~`~`~`~`~

2008-03-06T16:36:00.000+08:00

Damn.

Some people are so confusing.
What is the true status of person? A temp? Or a person?
A staff? What defines a staff? Double-standards prevail? I really don’t know.

What am I to think? To treat as a non-existence once and then to accord acknowledgement the next is naught. Does the presence of a person depend upon the legality of an employment contract? Or is it a matter of money? What is it that makes the difference? Or is it all purely personal opinions? In the words of one of my funny colleagues, “I also does not know!” So, what then?

To accept the abrupt invitation or to ignore and “defy”? But to do so would not be a show of courage to acknowledge earlier on-goings…. What would one call it? Stupidity? Righteousness? I do not know.

I kind of feel cheesed-off at the chain of events and feel bad for the others pulled into it too… It is an unfair form of communication and it stinks…

~/~

Pasta and cookies.... Sigh...

2008-03-06T15:22:00.004+08:00

Today, we went to Pasta Mania at Cineleisure for lunch… Three of us (me, M and X) and we had a nice time; M bought new jewellery too… The spoiler, however, was soon to follow… As we took the escalator down to the ground floor, M’s beautiful long, white skirt got temporarily caught in the side of the escalator, causing some motor oil to touch the skirt. Thank God she managed to pull the skirt out of the machine in time; or some mishap might have occurred. We made our way to the basement washroom and I helped her the best I could (by squirting out soap for her; pathetic, I know) and she managed to get some of it off… But the thing had stained her skirt in a couple of places and since it was very dense oil, it proved really hard to remove. To make things worse, the silly hand dryer in the washroom was not working at all. Hence, we had to use an oscillating fan (yes, we did) to partially dry her skirt. When we finally got out of the washroom, it was 2.00pm so we made our way up again. To make her feel better, I bought her a white chip cookie from Subway, which turned out to be a disaster of sorts too… To know what happened with the cookies, please read my email to Subway below in grey…

To Whom It May Concern,

I am writing to inform the management about the difference in the standard of cookies being sold at various Subway outlets. On Wednesday, I purchased two cookies with my lunch order at the Far East Plaza outlet, a white chip and a double choc cookie. Both were baked to a much harder texture than normal, particularly the double choc cookie. I had to literally break it in pieces. Yet, today, when I purchased two white chip cookies at the Subway outlet at Cineleisure, it was the complete opposite. The cookies were not cooked at all! There was butter/oil seeping out of the cookies and the middle was not cooked at all, except for the outermost edges. I ended up eating raw cookie dough for dessert. This is unacceptable. Like me, there was another customer, a gentleman, who was queuing to purchase just cookies. If he had bought white chip cookies as well, I am sure he would have been disappointed too.

I would like to know if the cookies are pre-made or are they freshly made at the stores. If they are fresh, aren’t there specific instructions on baking time and oven temperatures for the outlet staff to follow? As I had purchased cookies for my colleagues as well for a treat, I ended up being severely embarrassed after they found the cookies to be undercooked. As both purchases were takeaways, I did not have the chance to inform the staff directly. I hope this is the last time such a thing happens at Subway’s outlets as the discrepancy between the outlets is alarming. It may inevitably cause the quiet loss of customers too. I urge the management to look into this matter for hygiene reasons as well. Not everyone has stomachs made for raw cookie dough.

Thank you very much for your attention. Do feel free to contact me should you wish for clarification on details on the above matter.

Some lunch it was huh?

~/~

2008-02-22T16:22:00.001+08:00

I’m so glad… So glad…

It’s a wonderful world when you have good people around you. Sweet young things who have happy thoughts and wish other people the same…

It’s a Friday…Today, 4 of my fave colleagues gave me a card and present for my birthday. They got me a really nice bag that’s patent brown leather and it’s really big and roomy too… And they tricked me into thinking that they only got me a card… A postcard. (Minnie, Xiu Ting, Simha and Aishah, if you’re reading this: pandi cuties!!)

Let me tell you the mini-story:-

All four wrote on the Singapore postcard in different colors and gave it to me at my table. I initially thought I was being ambushed or something. Then they gave me the card and said that they were low on buckaroos so they could only get me a card. But truth be told, I was not even expecting the card. It was the goodwill and happiness that mattered the most. And then they dispersed… Later, as Corinne was speaking to me, they came back to my table and asked me to put the card down. So, I even had a fleeting thought that they were all going to pelt me with something, but given it was the middle of the office, I held my hopes up. And then, they gave me my prezzie… And what did I do? I screamed and clapped my hands like a dumb blondie. I cannot believe I actually did that… Sighzzz, like a bird-brain…

And so, that was it… My prezzie and the wonderful card… They then explained that it was in the planning for quite sometime already… Damn, I felt like a fool… But I must say that it was a well-executed plan… I better stop here, lest they really do pelt me with eggs and tomatoes…

Love Ya Babes!!!

:-P

..

A Revelation or Confession?...

2008-02-19T11:01:00.004+08:00

Another day; Tuesday. Another week of work. We’re gonna be playing badminton today during lunch… Excited ‘cus I haven’t played badminton in so many years. I’m a tennis girl unfortunately. So, to play my childhood game is gonna be so fun, I hope… :-)

Valentine’s Day came and went. Still a swinging single. Well, maybe not swinging as much considering my busy schedule these days. But still single. So what does that say for me? Nothing actually. You pass the day with a little tinge of sadness and lack of direction in your love life and then when night passes and morning comes, you move on.

I do often get people who shoot me the look that asks: Why have I not met anyone yet? Someone whom I might actually consider spending my exclusive time with? Purely because I simply don’t have that big a circle with Indians in it at all to meet such a person in the first place. I grew up with a multi-racial childhood and pre-dominantly Chinese teenage years. When you don’t have “access” or exposure to a large number of people of your own kind, it gets tough to re-associate yourself back with them when you become an adult ya know. I experienced a similar “transition period” a few years ago and one thing’s for sure: It can be tough; really tough.

I had trouble identifying myself with any common matters and could barely keep a conversation with people. What was there to talk about? I didn’t watch their movies, listen to their music or go to the same schools as them. I was different; and they knew it too. I was never close to my relatives either. Firstly, our values do not match on any level (‘til today) at all; neither do our thought planes nor our geographic locations. But I never once paused to wonder if my difference was a bane or boon. It differed with contexts.

I know it sounds sad (and many felt; arrogant) that I’m so detached but there it is. It is cemented and there’s nothing to be done. I found my way back eventually; by learning about people’s lives and their habits and cultures. It’s not easy when culture is something people relate to emotionally. When you don’t feel that association, it can be difficult to understand customs and traditions. I’m much more religious now than I was before. I have learnt a couple of life lessons along the way too… Its part of growing up I guess.

I’m tired; of being nice all the time. The guilt imposed upon me by society of not blending in with my own kind is long drawn out and it’s about time it ends. I’m losing my patience more often and I do realize. I’ve started to live for my likes and preferences; so forgive me in advance if I differ from your views and opinions. Another lesson that’s given me a gentle reminder is that every time I pity someone, they try to be smart by accomplishing things behind my back. I’m an extremely forgiving person because I believe in the best of people. They should be very glad that I don’t follow this mantra: - “Follow my advice and become great in your life. But try your funny tricks on me and I’ll destroy you before getting back to my own work.” --> A person I do not wish to name once told me this. Frankly, that’s the funniest line I ever heard anyone say about themselves. I wouldn’t actually waste my time with such people; unless they step on my toes directly. Try it and then you’ll see… :-)

And I have now also realized and acknowledge that I’ve revealed more emotions here than I had intended to… Oops…
(I do not intend for any offence at the contents of my post. They are the opinions of one person alone. Me. No offense intended to any particular racial division either. )

- By the way, this is one my most fave pictures of our wonderful Earth. Can you guess what it is? It's a rare uninterrupted shot of our South Pole, with it's wind systems and movement patterns showing. A very rare, beautiful shot indeed.

~~Cheers~~

2008-02-05T10:28:00.000+08:00

When life deals you something totally contrary to your dreams, what do you do? Can anyone help you?

If you’re all alone in this, would you fight or leave/ run away from it all? It’s cowardice to run; I’ve been there once before and know it well. Once lost, it can never be salvaged because it is no longer there… It has been lost; an opportunity gone.

There is nowhere to run. Face it, face it like a person. Cry, and wail on the inside as much as you would need to feel better. And then, straighten up and face it. It’s right there, you can’t ignore it. Your demons.

“Don’t you ever cry out loud; such weakness makes you ordinary.” A brave proposition but how many take it?

To hold to something for years and then loosen the grip in a moment is a very painful loss. Not for those around, but the subject itself. There is a fall; it still seems to be falling; but is there a hand/palm for it to be caught in time?

Question, questions, questions… Only we can answer them. How shall I answer them?

~~~~~

Sometimes....

2008-01-29T15:10:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

I've almost hit mid-week and my gosh, it's almost the end of January 2008.

I just met my friend, I shall name her Jo for her privacy, during lunch today to pass her some of her stuff back... Just a couple of trinkets and stuff; things she wanted me to keep when she recently went away on a hiatus. Poor thing, she's at crossroads once again. I really do wonder how many cards life can actually deal you... Well, one can wonder all they want until they have met someone like Jo. Then, it'll finally dawn on you that the possibilities are endless... To lose so many loved ones over the course of her life and still face a situation of uncertainty; one can only hope that things settle down for her soon. I hope so. Pity 'cus she's such a nice person too; bitchy at times but nice...

And I got caught in the rain on my way back to work... Rain and I have this deal which I never signed: To rain whenever I don't have an umbrella with me. Sighzzz, so yes, I have a headache catching on right now... And half of the office is not in today either. Not very sure why though.

And tomorrow's CGM night i.e. Networking night. Held on the last Wednesday of every month, it is for members of our organisation and tomorrow, we have a speaker coming in to conduct it. I hope he's good.

Oh yeah, almost forgot, I got stared at yesterday by a couple of silly Indian ladies; not once but twice. And both in my own neighbourhood. I think yesterday was not a very good day for me generally. The first instance was when I was on my way to work and the other was on my way back. The weird thing was that it was along the same path through the blocks near my home.

I seriously do not understand this innate desperation of some Indians (whether local or foreign) to prove themselves to complete strangers. Locals stare and then speak loudly to make it clearly known that they are locals while foreigners speak loudly in English to prove their educational status or in their own languages to see if you are of the same Indian sect as them. Perhaps they're afraid of being mistaken for being maids? I do not know. But one thing is for sure, I've never heard of anyone who looks at maids as enemies either so I still am unable to comprehend the basis of their insecurities.

I know when a person is insecure babe, I can smell it. I find that I am unfortunately very good at this kind of stuff. It is supposed to serve me well but alas, I have better things to do than to put people in their respective places in society. Unlike my brother's school mate who once told off a guy in Tamil and I quote him, "picchai soru sappidura unakkae ivallavu thimiru irukkum pothu, nei soru sappidura enakku evallavu thimiru irrukkum?"
Translation: If you who eats a beggar's food has so much unfounded arrogance, what more one who consumes the best of food like me?

I'm not sure if the above translation made much sense, but hey, I tried ok... Naturally, I was shocked that he would say such a thing but then he did try and justify his statement by explaining his history with the pest that he told off at school.

As far as I am concerned, I do not bother to tell people off for anything they do or say, especially for silly things... But if they seriously do start to get on my nerves or have been spewing absolute insensitive garbage, hmmm, maybe then I shall take a few minutes to put them in their places. Alas, many often take it for granted that I am being so polite all the time, often pushing their luck. Oh well, I'm a nice patient girl, or so I've been told.. Hehehehehe....

Oh well, that's pretty much all for now... All that ranting and raving has brought the intensity of my headache up a notch. 'Til next time,

~Cheers~

2008-01-25T17:18:00.001+08:00

Dear Diary,

It's almost the end of the workweek and I'm tired as hell. So many things going on now in my life. Feeling sleepy too... Just about half an hour or so more to the official end of the workweek. Yay!

This past week has been uneventful, except for our usual lunch nonsense and workload. I do have some "homework" to do over the weekend too... Some files to complete. The strange thing is that so far, I've only barely managed to finish my stuff before the next week comes around. I have got to put in more effort next time around.

I need to go shopping again soon. Clothes or shoes or just plain stuff to use... And I need to set aside sometime next week to meet up with a couple of friends... We'll see how it goes; it all depends on whether our schedules can work out coincidental free times.

Gosh, feeling really sleepy right now... From a great sushi lunch, adding on the energy-sapping work all week; I'm feeling all used up and weary... Wanna go and sleep and laze about in my super-comfy bed at home... Plus, with my brand new blue bedsheet and matching pillows from Aussino, it's just wonderful to fall asleep at home... Hehehehehe.... I'm going to get some other beautiful colours for my haven soon...
Can't wait... Zzzzzzzzz.

~Peace~

2008-01-22T16:28:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

I have a confession.

I have been doing some serious pigging out I tell ya…
No, really… As in really pigging out on sinful stuff… Shihlin Chicken, Pasta, Lasagna, Chinese Rojak, and then today: - Indian Vegetable Briyani, etc. And that’s just in the past week or so.

Now wait, let me explain: Today is Thaipusam, so my friend/colleague Minnie, suggested going to Little India to have vegan food for lunch. The food was good of course; it’s just that the portions were so huge… The after-effects of such a huge albeit satisfying lunch was deeply regretted upon although I deserve it for being such a pig today… And the best part is that I was already feeling guilty for eating so much in the previous days. Damn it all got compounded. So much for self-control…

Oh my goodness, I feel so full!!!! I did also request my colleagues to check up on me if their calls went unanswered should I go comatose from so much food; which they faithfully did. The irony was that I didn’t even finish my food, but then again, that’s because Indian food portions tend to usually be enough to feed two people. It’s simply amazing how some can have multiple servings of rice itself, once for ‘sambar’ (lentil curry), once for ‘rasam’ (spiced soup), once for yoghurt and maybe another once more for a curry of sorts… (And, one “Indian” serving portion of rice is enough to leave me full for a whole day mind you.)

I am convinced that it certainly would be the death of me to eat like them… But I’ve seen women eat like that too, unbelievable but true… I often assume that it is probably because it is their first proper meal of the day, though it is purely an assumption that has yet to be proven true. Oh well, it is hence with great ironic regret that I had enjoyed my lunch today and then come to make a confession. Well, there it is, I’ve confessed.

2008-01-15T11:56:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

Let me just put on a shoutout to say thanks to my colleague and friend, MISS MINNIE... She helped me to change my entire blog account appearance to such a great extent!! And now the blog looks so super-hip...

Well, given that I'm a HTML amateur, purely b'cus I never bothered to remember whatever I've learnt before, she has done me a huge favour to re-do my blog page...

Hence, thanks once again babe!!! :-)

2008-01-14T11:44:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

Wow, it’s been quite sometime since I last put in an entry.

Just a couple of updates first.

Well, I am doing pretty ok… Still trying to stick to my new year’s resolution. (I kinda made a deal with my brother about it.) It’s not much but at least it’ll guarantee me a goal to hit through the first half of the year.
My fan club seems to be getting bigger too... Hahahaha!... No, no, don’t get me wrong; I’m no celebrity (Thank God!)! It’s just a fan club that has progressively grown as I walk to the bus stop everyday of the workweek at the same time… Annoying really but as usual, I just ignore things that prove to be a waste of time to me… But seriously, I really do sometimes wish these fellas would get a grip on things. Incidents played on a cinema screen don’t all happen in real life.
Also, a good friend of mine just became single again… I think she’s still nursing a broken heart; they’ve been together for so long you see… I have got to get her out for dinner or something soon….

Now, back to current happenings...

Anyway, it’s the middle of the first month of 2008. The weekend has just passed. It is all moving so fast. Damn, before I know it, I’ll be old… That’s a bit worrying… I need time. Time to do things in my life… To add people into my life, build relationships and to complete things. There are so many things going on for me right now… But I can’t speak about them all simply because; some things are just not meant for common knowledge. And then there are a few issues that are just not worth mentioning at all. For example, if someone irritates the crap out of you and is being a hindrance in your daily life.

All I shall say for now is this,

A show-off who consistently needs to explain and further prove his/her self-assumed superiority to others is truly amongst the lowest of classes in society.
~ Suguna.J

You may choose as you please to interpret it as being any particular form of society, whether traditional, modern or utopist. Whichever way, my statement will still hold true.
Desperation is truly the culprit of most embarrassments. Many of which the person is not entirely aware of. There are two types of awareness: conscious and sub-conscious. Knowing your faults and conscientiously choosing to ignore them is one thing; very common amongst people. But to realize a fault and yet let the devil take over inside is to say the least; quite dangerous though common too. Sublime thinking, hmmmm…

It is frankly disturbing; the way some people think… Purely because it is based on their belief system. But this is a topic for another time; when I feel more strongly about it and there is a case study for me to use and conduct analysis upon. Alas, if I am really angry I shall name the rodent who deserves to be baited, trapped and killed purely by burning her, er I mean him/her by sunlight ‘til death makes her er, I mean him/her part.

I find that sometimes I am much like a little Ally Mcbeal. In a sense that I often resort to consoling myself temporarily that in my own world, justice has been served.

I have one strong belief that stands today:-

In today’s world, no one dies to face Judgement. We answer to our sins within our lifetimes.
~Suguna.J

Meaning: All who sin or incur the pain and hate of those hurt by them pay for it all; with interest before they go. (At least, it is what I hope for to come about eventually in the evolution of ideals.)

An ideal that is positive no longer stands as easily as one that preaches the self only. But it cannot be taken that what no longer widely holds water is no longer true either. Many still believe in it, but its weakness is brought about by a lack of practice: A lack of practice that is causing us an endless loss. We are indeed killing ourselves and choosing to do nothing about it.

Oh well….. Back to the world, the arena; back to spoiling for a fight…

2007-12-28T16:31:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

Today is Friday, the last day of the week.... The last Friday of the year. I came early to the office today. The roads were significantly clear and traffic was very smooth. Thank goodness for year-end holidays...

Last night brought bad news... Benazir Bhutto was assassinated while leaving a rally. Shame. Shame... I shall continue when I feel more calm about the whole issue.. There's a lot to be considered for the fate of the lives waiting; waiting for their dreams of freedom to come around. To be able to breathe.

Does anyone feel the value of a life anymore? She was a mother of three. To hate a person's guts is one thing but to rob people, children of their life support is just plain evil. A lack of conscience that will definitely de-humanise us. There's no place in Heaven anymore, my dear idiots. You're going straight to hell.

From the bottom of my heart I say this to you:- you will pay, pay dearly. No one dies and then faces judgement day spiritually anymore. We all face it today while alive. In this lifetime. I hope you will never suffer such a loss yourself simply because that would mean more suffering for your loved ones. Now that's the mark of a humane person; never wishing pain and loss unto others.

But this I promise you:- I do want you to feel pain; real pain. Pain that makes your eyes grow red from the vessels bursting from pressure. Pain that makes your soul cry out to GOD for help. Pain that makes you cry and regret your sins. In this lifetime. In this lifetime.

Rest In Peace Ms Benazir Bhutto. For with you, freedom and dreams died for many too. GOD Bless love and peace. How I wish these still existed in our world.

Insecurity + Aggressiveness = A brand new headache.

2007-12-27T16:45:00.001+08:00

Dear Diary,

Some people are purely amazing in the extent of their ability to be thick-skinned in a social setting. Even when not needed nor included in the conversation, they remain rooted to the spot, refusing to leave for fear of loss of contact and loneliness. Insecurity has never seen its limitless boundaries until it has been sought in this person. Insecurity would be surprised at its own parasitical powers.

Obnoxiousness in the face of severe insecurity is not surprising and they both actually make a great couple for the weakling to survive. A sad truth is that no amount of beauty or brains can fight nor overcome insecurity. The most beautiful or intelligent person will still never be at ease with himself or his surroundings; ever. Pathetic yes, but sad and pitiable too. A person who cannot be at ease with being alone from a crowd is a sad story. Such a deficit in confidence and calm is deplorable but unavoidable for many. The worse thing is that when it does occur or arrives at your office as the new temp, then it ends up right in your face.

Naturally, one will end up heavily annoyed by this desperate presence who is trying her stretched best to be nice and friendly to all permanent staff in order to seem the best fruit amongst all other temps. The main issue that would really irk the soul is when she begins to take over other people's jobs when it comes to taking credit. And her worry over another temp getting a promotion instead of herself, the newbie, is just ridiculous. Sleepless nights over a more experienced person's promotion? That is disturbing. The best part is that neither she nor her work scope is related to the proposed addition in the hierarchy at all.

A person suffering from a lack of confidence picks and chooses her targets to undo and outdo, even if they are not direct threats to her. She feels the danger swirling around her at all times. She feels ashamed and inadequate and this is translated into aggressive actions to overshadow a shining star or to work from underneath to pull the rug from beneath the target's feet.

Disgusting but such is a real-life ongoing example of the extent to which insecurity can deal a difficult set of cards.... To other people.

'Til next time...

2007-12-26T15:29:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

I'm back at work today after a 5-day hiatus in K.L. It was a great trip; I caught up with everyone and met up with all my cousins in my mom's family.. Gosh, I had missed them so much and I really felt the sense of dread when our trip came to an end. Our goodbyes were happy yet solemn. Everyone was feeling the love and loss for another year to come until our next trip b'cus my cousin just flew back two days before I left too... It's kinda sad that we live so far away from them but as the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I love my family and being away from them most of the year makes me even more protective and loving of our unity.

There's already pressure for me to get a car too. But i'm not entirely ready for it as I have barely settled into my job. Hence, it will have to wait. Oh yeah, we also managed to celebrate my baby cousin brother's birthday on X'mas eve. Finally....

And I noticed a lot of changes amongst people and their characters during my stay. You know, it's easier to note changes when you drop in once in a while.. (Like comparing snapshots to spot the difference). There are some ongoing issues to be dealt with urgently, but I shall leave it to the adults to settle such things. Hopefully, the ones concerned can see things clearly.

Back at the office, I found even more presents at my table. Gosh, and I haven't even given them mine... That's cus I still waiting for the availability of certain presents at the store. Hopefully the stock will arrive soon enough.

Oh well, 'til next time, Bye!

2007-12-18T14:38:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

It's my third month at MCYS already. Today, we had a special lunch at the office in light of christmas. The three SDOs (Social Development Officers) prepared a home-cooked lunch for the entire unit: Fried curry-beehoon, warm french baguettes with lemony chicken curry and fried chicken wings. For dessert, they had brought carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and cheesecake too. It was very simple food, but made with love and lots of goodwill. :-)

Given that they had informed us last week about the lunch, I had ordered a special chocolate mousse cake over the weekend for dessert too. So it was a real dessert bonanza at lunch. I had taken a real gamble ordering it from a bakery near my place 'cus I had never tried that cake before and didn't exactly trust neighbourhood bakeries very much either. But the cake has converted me... The rich, fresh chocolate cream with generous bits of longans and plenty of fruit on top took me by surprise. They didn't stinge on the chocolate at all. I was glad.

Frankly, it was a matter of reputation for me. This was the first main food contribution I've done apart from the regular "updating" of the communal snack table in the middle of the office. Whew!.. Good thing.

And there was so much food left that I was given 2 packets of beehoon and a pack of chicken wings to take home... Oh well, I shall just pass it to my brother and mom, let them have a go at it and tell me what they think. There's still a third of the cake left too; for the others who didn't come to the office today.. Ting Wei, Mag and Simha... Oh well, they'll have it all for them tomorrow.

Anyway, tomorrow, I'm coming to office an hour earlier 'cus I need to leave an hour early too. Too bad I can't join in the celebratory "christmas" CGM (Networking Session) organised for tomorrow night. I'm leaving the country at night to Malaysia; Kuala Lumpur to be exact. It's our annual visit there to my Mom's family. I can't wait to see them. I miss them so much. My parents were actually there over last weekend too to attend my Mom's younger sister's housewarming prayers and celebrations. I'm so proud of her. She happens to be a widow and she has stood the test of time and all the troubles that come with it to stand tall in society with a successful business and re-build a house for her and her children and the memory of her husband. I'm so proud and happy for her.

I can't wait to meet all of them. Even my cousin from the US has come down already, with her husband and 2-year-old daughter, Kriya. My mom had gushed that the kid is cute and very approachable and chubby.... Oh my goodness, I cannot wait to meet her... :-P I can't help it, I love kids...

Unfortunately, I am not close with my Dad's family as compared to with my Mom's family. It's just a natural occurence 'cus a person will only be close to where there is warmth, goodwill and genuine love. Well, that's a story for another time as when appropriate.

'Til the next post, bye!....

2007-12-18T14:33:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

I know I've been largely unfaithful to you. I have been avoiding your presence and skipping between accounts... I promise that this will be a serious one... I really will try, I promise..

Suguna.J