Back to Square 1..

Wow, I have gained weight; AGAIN.

"What? After all I’ve been through to lose 7 kg early last year, I’ve put it back on with an ADDITIONAL 0.5kg?!?! Whatever happened to my increased confidence that grew with the weight loss?"

This is bad, not only did I experience the 'yo-yo' cycle of weight loss and gain I also put on extra. As if the fat’s back with a vengeance.

In actual truth, it was me who was back with a vengeance. My eating habits spun out of control. I defected from my efforts and betrayed my personal cause.

I feel bad.

At a time when things are going to the next stages in life, it’s very much a late sign that I haven’t gotten my act together as much as I had thought. Self-discipline’s sorely lacking for starters..

I have to get my act together. It’s too late to say that I am “running out of time” because I’m very much overdue in my goals. Same goes for my other plans, including my money and life goals.. I’m taking my own sweet time, for too long.

I suspect this might have been the pattern: The lost weight was very gradually creeping back in but I didn’t pay it any attention; I was busy resting on my laurels of the previous victory. The last 3 months have been the worst; I completely gave up my exercise program, slipped off my eating disciplines and generally lazed at home. And look where it got me; not back to square 1 rather square 0.

I think the main thing I had forgotten to keep up with is the “never again” mantra. I relaxed and the mantra melted into the background of my thoughts. I think I am fundamentally a lazy person (my mom was SOOOoo right about this!!). When my work hit a smaller peak-period in the last quarter of the year, I relaxed. My relaxation translated into laziness and I slid off the discipline wagon as well.

That is just sad. I knew I had put on weight but refused to weigh myself in the past 2 months; for fear of the truth I guess. The bitter truth that I have to take full responsibility for all my actions and the consequences of this laziness that I had allowed to takeover these past few months.

It is saddening that I would even have taken it this far. I should have known better.

It is not the end of the world; I can start again. A matter of placing effort into rescheduling my life around being fit and light-weight. It is not as simple, but not impossible either.

That is my new theme for this year:- Fit and Light-weight.

Light would not mean that I have to drop kilos to cut my BMI in half; rather, the motive is to ensure I feel light on my feet. That’s most important; I desperately need to cut off this lethargy I feel creeping on me every day. It feels frustrating to have that feeling of something dragging you down in speed, physically and mentally.

Here goes then, let’s do it.

4^th March 2011.

2 and a half years since my last blog post; Wow.

Very Long Indeed.

I would honestly say that I have not been sincerely putting my thoughts into words.. Although my work efforts are more now, I shall try and keep up my efforts for this blog. At the very least, it would help me focus my writing in a better fashion.

:-)

Sunday, 24th August 08...

Yesterday, Minnie, Aishah and myself were due to go for a Charity Fun Walk at the Esplanade Park. But it had been pouring since late morning and the weather didn't change for the better at all for the rest of the day... The initial plan was to go for the Walk, check out the carnival at the end of it and then meet XiuTing (XT) for the Singapore Fireworks Celebration 2008 held that night nearby too...

When we finally got around to meeting each other at CityHall at about 4.30pm, it was still raining and I was no longer in the mood to go for the Walk.; especially not in the rain. Minnie did mention it too and we convinced Aishah to go along with our proposed plans... Hehehehehe... We even went to the extent of cooking up funny excuses to get ourselves excused come Monday... **rolls eyes and shakes head...

As I was still in my "sporty" outfit with obsolete sandals and Aishah wanted to change her top, we headed into Raffles City Shopping Centre. Unfortunately, the washroom lines were all the way up to the ladies' entrances itself on various floors!! So, we did the unthinkable and approached a really nice children's outfit shop, requesting to use their changing room. They very, very kindly obliged; God Bless them all... So myself and Aishah got changed and we started on our adventure. Due to the change in plans, we decided to walk about the mall before meeting up with XiuTing later in the evening...

XiuTing, being the sweety-pie she is, had actually offered to share her tickets to the fireworks show with us.. And that's how we got to the show. Sweet thing!.. Muacks!!!

As I had only a quick brunch earlier in the day (a super-small pack of nasi lemak) and was feeling quite peckish, we headed to the basement's "Out of the Pan" place for a quick bite. Although Minnie and Aishah initially planned on just desserts, upon the sight of the crepes, we all ended up ordering the savoury crepes too... Nice and simple food; albeit a little expensive, but still different from the usual pastas, sandwiches, etc. Minnie and Aishah shared a cheese chicken sausage crepe and I had the bratwurst sausage crepe with sun-dried tomato flour... Hmmm, are you wondering if the crepe might have turned out red in colour? Hahahaha! Nah, it was just a little orange but it did have a tinge of the "tomatoey" flavour I had hoped for.

We got desserts too... Aishah and Minnie shared the triple chocolate dessert while I got the pecan pie. Boy, don't I feel like a pig now!! Both desserts were good-looking, in particular, the triple choc was certainly the best thing to satisfy a sweet tooth although mine was not outstanding at all. I was really disappointed in the crust of the pie: a rock-hard / no butter / cheap-looking / mass-made type of crust used with minimal pecans and a rather burnt sugar and butter base. Caramelisation is one thing, burnt is another.

Anyway, having ourselves filled with happy food and thoughts, we ascended the floors of the mall in search of wonderful windows to look through. Among the shops we went to, two stood out, because that's where we found really nice stuff...

River Island & Esprit.

River Island has some really good accessories. I found a pair of really cool sunglasses priced at $43, and then a nice pair of blinged bracelets, one in pink and the other in blue. Nice, really nice.. I was very taken in by the sunglasses but didn't purchase it. (Am currently trying to watch my budget.)

Next, we walked into Esprit. Spotted a beautiful bag and found various colours for the same model. We did more exploring and found the most nicest of nice hats and berets too! Aishah eventually purchased a very pretty black one for herself; it looks really nice and sweet on her, I tell ya... I found a brownish one later too, brown mini-stripes with glitter thread sewn in; in the men's section of all places, but it looked good ok! And I do kinda regret not purchasing it... The cap really upped the funk factor in my outfit...

We carried on shopping until we met XiuTing and Andrew outside Starbucks. The 4 of us ladies then headed for the NDP Parade grounds... That was where the show was to be held. Although it was raining throughout, I still think the wait was worth it. It was so immense and colourful and loud.

When we got to the complex, there was a mini-carnival of food and crafts/gifts all around below the stands... You can always trust Singapore to never let its people go hungry.. Hahaha!! :-P

So we got some munchies and headed up the stands... We kept climbing and climbing up to our row (row number 44) and after a while, it started to feel as if we were being punished for skipping the Charity Walk earlier... (Had we attended that Charity Walk, it would have been just 2.5km but I'm guessing we walked quite a few more kilometres than that on that night...) There was also a performance by TKS (Tanjong Katong Sec Sch) before the actual fireworks display.

When the fireworks started, it never seemed to end. The colours, the noise and the smoke was so much for the senses. I loved it. Colours of red, green, white, gold, and blue were so pretty that I could only wish for them to be in the palm of my hand. It was beautiful, simply breathtaking. What an eye and earful... Yay!! :-)

So, after the fireworks display, there was a live performance by "Cats in the Cradle", a local band that had taken part in the Singapore show "Live the Dream"... Their selection of songs was good and would have been the perfect end to a night of revelry at the parade ground before people moved on back to the Esplanade for some real partying...

However, this is where the organisers screwed up; they had a US comedian as the last act of the night following the live band. How silly, to mix up a natural sequence. I felt bad for the performer as he ended up performing more for an empty audience... How silly of the organisers to do such a thing; they have insulted the performer and have embarassed themselves. I hope they eventually learn that it's not always the money that makes a good performer, it's about the audience and the reception the performer gets...

Anyways, as we went back towards the Esplanade, we ended up walking even more as several areas had been boarded up and closed. But Minnie bought her favourite chocolate-coated strawberries too... They are juicy and oh-so-delish, I tell ya!.. ;-)

We eventually made it back to the station at CityHall and after saying a huge round of goodbyes, made our respective ways home..

Now that, was a very sweet, sweet Saturday... :-)

**grins**

17th Aug 08...

Yesterday was a blast!!! Kamy and I met up after she finished her tuition classes and we went shopping at CCK. We caught up on times and had dinner before our little "escapade"... Hee hee hee!!!

I bought a lot of crazy things. A Disney TV pencil (you have to see it to know what it's all about), we got 3 pairs of earrings each and I also got a crazy pair of new, WHITE, shoes... Can you believe it? WHITE... What was I thinking? Then again, you never know your stand on something until you've tried and experienced it right??..... So, I'm actually quite happy with my buy...

Went home and showed off my shoes in the kitchen and the TV pencil in the living room. Mom rolled her eyes.. Whatever baby.. ;-)

I'm having a blast this weekend and I deserve it; for all things past and the stuff to come in the near future. When the NDR takes place tonight though; God Bless us all...

Oh well, I guess everyone's gearing up for the momentum that's about to happen soon... We'll have to tough through everything no matter what...

~~~

7th August 2008; Thursday.

National Day is just a couple of days away… 9th August 2008. I’m feeling more and more excited over it… Especially since I saw the fireworks up close about a month ago during the rehearsals (please see one of my previous posts for that story). It was so beautiful; it made me wish I was sharing it with someone special. Yes, I know it seems very much a cliché for me to feel that way but it’s undeniable that a single might judge certain moments as worth sharing with a loved one. To be a kid all over again; to marvel in wonder as the colours burst in the sky; from the darkness come brilliance in front of your very eyes. Beautiful.

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Yesterday was our National Day Observance Ceremony at the HQ’s Plaza. The Plaza turned out to be the space just in front of the HQ entrance.

Hmmmm…

But it was not that bad an observance ceremony. We sang the national anthem, said the pledge, had a fly-past (2 in fact) and also had some performances by children from the Little Skoolhouse and boys from the Singapore Boys’ Home. The kids were so adorable. I’ve some pictures taken of their performance too... Shall upload it when I have the time at home to sit down at my laptop. Of course, we cannot deny the sense of humour our organizing committee had when the first fly-past consisted of us throwing paper aeroplanes into the sky. Then, we had a proper one, albeit still lame though. Two electronically-operated (toy) helicopters flew past with one bearing the Singapore National Flag. Although it was funny and lame, I still felt grateful for being in this country; my country. I’m so glad.

I’m so glad we’re free, that we don’t have to always look out for something that could kill us all who were gathered there, glad that the fear of death did not hang over us and cling to our backs as a burden. I’m glad that we were there, living and breathing air that was free, that could not be snatched away in an instant. I value my freedom. Many do not realize the extent of it in this country. To be able to walk along the streets without the danger of being abducted away or worse, abducted and raped; being blown to bits or even shot dead at point-blank range. For this amount of freedom and safety, I’m just glad; grateful and glad…

This morning, I pondered very deeply (on my way to work).

How nice the world would be if every man would just spend time seeking his own heaven? But then again, that is a dangerous wish since one man’s heaven might just well be another’s hell. So where is the balance to be struck?…

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Monday, 14th August 2008.

I miss her greatly. The days of laughter and nonsensical giggling are over… Long gone… The others have been trying to get me to talk to her again… But it’s been so long. I don’t think we can touch base on anything anymore… And plus, there’s no guarantee she’ll talk anyway. I’ve already said that I’m not gonna be apologetic anymore. There was fault on her side too. She failed as a friend to stand up for someone. Especially in the face of betrayal. I can’t forget that ever. The look of uneasiness on her face as she broke the news to me. I can never forget that day. So much conspiracy, so much scheming. I can’t forgive or forget her lapse of judgment.

Ah, then what about mine? My lapse of judgement. It is not entirely her fault for the events that followed either. I was to blame too for the freak accident that happened. So what could possibly happen to repair that which was lost anymore? Loss of trust by both could not possibly help either side on repairing anything ever again…

I should call her… Should I call her?? I’ll think about it. A message is too impersonal right? Ok, I’ll call her when the time comes.

~The death of a friendship is a pit which knows no end in the abyss of deaths.~

Ok, I’ll admit that for this particular post, I’m feeling a bit peeved when writing.

There is always an element of respect in every form of relationship; even with strangers.
And there will always be a line one should never cross… Matters under the sky must always be considered with all potential consequences in mind. When one fails to think thoroughly, one makes mistakes.

One of the greatest weaknesses to have today is to be giving. Not in the sense of worldly possessions, but in that of caring. We live in a world that is dominated with selfishness and advantages… Advantage over those around you, over loved ones and even over complete strangers. When you reach a point of patience becoming a thin layer of ice, it is a break-point. A break-point that can easily come around as an upsurge. What happens then? When one crosses the limit in respect, things begin to break down. There may be course for repair while in other cases; they may even dissolve to a point of nothingness. It really all depends, on circumstance.

I’ve made some decisions recently without even realizing it. Hence, it’s about time it all gets acted upon and fulfilled. So here I go on my adventure… And I will no longer apologize to anyone for it.

~`~`~Cheers!~`~`~