Dear Diary,

Today is Friday, the last day of the week.... The last Friday of the year. I came early to the office today. The roads were significantly clear and traffic was very smooth. Thank goodness for year-end holidays...

Last night brought bad news... Benazir Bhutto was assassinated while leaving a rally. Shame. Shame... I shall continue when I feel more calm about the whole issue.. There's a lot to be considered for the fate of the lives waiting; waiting for their dreams of freedom to come around. To be able to breathe.

Does anyone feel the value of a life anymore? She was a mother of three. To hate a person's guts is one thing but to rob people, children of their life support is just plain evil. A lack of conscience that will definitely de-humanise us. There's no place in Heaven anymore, my dear idiots. You're going straight to hell.

From the bottom of my heart I say this to you:- you will pay, pay dearly. No one dies and then faces judgement day spiritually anymore. We all face it today while alive. In this lifetime. I hope you will never suffer such a loss yourself simply because that would mean more suffering for your loved ones. Now that's the mark of a humane person; never wishing pain and loss unto others.

But this I promise you:- I do want you to feel pain; real pain. Pain that makes your eyes grow red from the vessels bursting from pressure. Pain that makes your soul cry out to GOD for help. Pain that makes you cry and regret your sins. In this lifetime. In this lifetime.

Rest In Peace Ms Benazir Bhutto. For with you, freedom and dreams died for many too. GOD Bless love and peace. How I wish these still existed in our world.

Insecurity + Aggressiveness = A brand new headache.

Dear Diary,


Some people are purely amazing in the extent of their ability to be thick-skinned in a social setting. Even when not needed nor included in the conversation, they remain rooted to the spot, refusing to leave for fear of loss of contact and loneliness. Insecurity has never seen its limitless boundaries until it has been sought in this person. Insecurity would be surprised at its own parasitical powers.

Obnoxiousness in the face of severe insecurity is not surprising and they both actually make a great couple for the weakling to survive. A sad truth is that no amount of beauty or brains can fight nor overcome insecurity. The most beautiful or intelligent person will still never be at ease with himself or his surroundings; ever. Pathetic yes, but sad and pitiable too. A person who cannot be at ease with being alone from a crowd is a sad story. Such a deficit in confidence and calm is deplorable but unavoidable for many. The worse thing is that when it does occur or arrives at your office as the new temp, then it ends up right in your face.

Naturally, one will end up heavily annoyed by this desperate presence who is trying her stretched best to be nice and friendly to all permanent staff in order to seem the best fruit amongst all other temps. The main issue that would really irk the soul is when she begins to take over other people's jobs when it comes to taking credit. And her worry over another temp getting a promotion instead of herself, the newbie, is just ridiculous. Sleepless nights over a more experienced person's promotion? That is disturbing. The best part is that neither she nor her work scope is related to the proposed addition in the hierarchy at all.

A person suffering from a lack of confidence picks and chooses her targets to undo and outdo, even if they are not direct threats to her. She feels the danger swirling around her at all times. She feels ashamed and inadequate and this is translated into aggressive actions to overshadow a shining star or to work from underneath to pull the rug from beneath the target's feet.

Disgusting but such is a real-life ongoing example of the extent to which insecurity can deal a difficult set of cards.... To other people.


'Til next time...

Dear Diary,

I'm back at work today after a 5-day hiatus in K.L. It was a great trip; I caught up with everyone and met up with all my cousins in my mom's family.. Gosh, I had missed them so much and I really felt the sense of dread when our trip came to an end. Our goodbyes were happy yet solemn. Everyone was feeling the love and loss for another year to come until our next trip b'cus my cousin just flew back two days before I left too... It's kinda sad that we live so far away from them but as the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder. I love my family and being away from them most of the year makes me even more protective and loving of our unity.

There's already pressure for me to get a car too. But i'm not entirely ready for it as I have barely settled into my job. Hence, it will have to wait. Oh yeah, we also managed to celebrate my baby cousin brother's birthday on X'mas eve. Finally....

And I noticed a lot of changes amongst people and their characters during my stay. You know, it's easier to note changes when you drop in once in a while.. (Like comparing snapshots to spot the difference). There are some ongoing issues to be dealt with urgently, but I shall leave it to the adults to settle such things. Hopefully, the ones concerned can see things clearly.


Back at the office, I found even more presents at my table. Gosh, and I haven't even given them mine... That's cus I still waiting for the availability of certain presents at the store. Hopefully the stock will arrive soon enough.


Oh well, 'til next time, Bye!

Dear Diary,

It's my third month at MCYS already. Today, we had a special lunch at the office in light of christmas. The three SDOs (Social Development Officers) prepared a home-cooked lunch for the entire unit: Fried curry-beehoon, warm french baguettes with lemony chicken curry and fried chicken wings. For dessert, they had brought carrot cake with cream cheese frosting and cheesecake too. It was very simple food, but made with love and lots of goodwill. :-)

Given that they had informed us last week about the lunch, I had ordered a special chocolate mousse cake over the weekend for dessert too. So it was a real dessert bonanza at lunch. I had taken a real gamble ordering it from a bakery near my place 'cus I had never tried that cake before and didn't exactly trust neighbourhood bakeries very much either. But the cake has converted me... The rich, fresh chocolate cream with generous bits of longans and plenty of fruit on top took me by surprise. They didn't stinge on the chocolate at all. I was glad.

Frankly, it was a matter of reputation for me. This was the first main food contribution I've done apart from the regular "updating" of the communal snack table in the middle of the office. Whew!.. Good thing.

And there was so much food left that I was given 2 packets of beehoon and a pack of chicken wings to take home... Oh well, I shall just pass it to my brother and mom, let them have a go at it and tell me what they think. There's still a third of the cake left too; for the others who didn't come to the office today.. Ting Wei, Mag and Simha... Oh well, they'll have it all for them tomorrow.

Anyway, tomorrow, I'm coming to office an hour earlier 'cus I need to leave an hour early too. Too bad I can't join in the celebratory "christmas" CGM (Networking Session) organised for tomorrow night. I'm leaving the country at night to Malaysia; Kuala Lumpur to be exact. It's our annual visit there to my Mom's family. I can't wait to see them. I miss them so much. My parents were actually there over last weekend too to attend my Mom's younger sister's housewarming prayers and celebrations. I'm so proud of her. She happens to be a widow and she has stood the test of time and all the troubles that come with it to stand tall in society with a successful business and re-build a house for her and her children and the memory of her husband. I'm so proud and happy for her.

I can't wait to meet all of them. Even my cousin from the US has come down already, with her husband and 2-year-old daughter, Kriya. My mom had gushed that the kid is cute and very approachable and chubby.... Oh my goodness, I cannot wait to meet her... :-P I can't help it, I love kids...

Unfortunately, I am not close with my Dad's family as compared to with my Mom's family. It's just a natural occurence 'cus a person will only be close to where there is warmth, goodwill and genuine love. Well, that's a story for another time as when appropriate.

'Til the next post, bye!....

Dear Diary,

I know I've been largely unfaithful to you. I have been avoiding your presence and skipping between accounts... I promise that this will be a serious one... I really will try, I promise..

Suguna.J