Sometimes....

Dear Diary,

I've almost hit mid-week and my gosh, it's almost the end of January 2008.

I just met my friend, I shall name her Jo for her privacy, during lunch today to pass her some of her stuff back... Just a couple of trinkets and stuff; things she wanted me to keep when she recently went away on a hiatus. Poor thing, she's at crossroads once again. I really do wonder how many cards life can actually deal you... Well, one can wonder all they want until they have met someone like Jo. Then, it'll finally dawn on you that the possibilities are endless... To lose so many loved ones over the course of her life and still face a situation of uncertainty; one can only hope that things settle down for her soon. I hope so. Pity 'cus she's such a nice person too; bitchy at times but nice...

And I got caught in the rain on my way back to work... Rain and I have this deal which I never signed: To rain whenever I don't have an umbrella with me. Sighzzz, so yes, I have a headache catching on right now... And half of the office is not in today either. Not very sure why though.

And tomorrow's CGM night i.e. Networking night. Held on the last Wednesday of every month, it is for members of our organisation and tomorrow, we have a speaker coming in to conduct it. I hope he's good.

Oh yeah, almost forgot, I got stared at yesterday by a couple of silly Indian ladies; not once but twice. And both in my own neighbourhood. I think yesterday was not a very good day for me generally. The first instance was when I was on my way to work and the other was on my way back. The weird thing was that it was along the same path through the blocks near my home.

I seriously do not understand this innate desperation of some Indians (whether local or foreign) to prove themselves to complete strangers. Locals stare and then speak loudly to make it clearly known that they are locals while foreigners speak loudly in English to prove their educational status or in their own languages to see if you are of the same Indian sect as them. Perhaps they're afraid of being mistaken for being maids? I do not know. But one thing is for sure, I've never heard of anyone who looks at maids as enemies either so I still am unable to comprehend the basis of their insecurities.

I know when a person is insecure babe, I can smell it. I find that I am unfortunately very good at this kind of stuff. It is supposed to serve me well but alas, I have better things to do than to put people in their respective places in society. Unlike my brother's school mate who once told off a guy in Tamil and I quote him, "picchai soru sappidura unakkae ivallavu thimiru irukkum pothu, nei soru sappidura enakku evallavu thimiru irrukkum?"
Translation: If you who eats a beggar's food has so much unfounded arrogance, what more one who consumes the best of food like me?

I'm not sure if the above translation made much sense, but hey, I tried ok... Naturally, I was shocked that he would say such a thing but then he did try and justify his statement by explaining his history with the pest that he told off at school.

As far as I am concerned, I do not bother to tell people off for anything they do or say, especially for silly things... But if they seriously do start to get on my nerves or have been spewing absolute insensitive garbage, hmmm, maybe then I shall take a few minutes to put them in their places. Alas, many often take it for granted that I am being so polite all the time, often pushing their luck. Oh well, I'm a nice patient girl, or so I've been told.. Hehehehehe....

Oh well, that's pretty much all for now... All that ranting and raving has brought the intensity of my headache up a notch. 'Til next time,

~Cheers~

Dear Diary,

It's almost the end of the workweek and I'm tired as hell. So many things going on now in my life. Feeling sleepy too... Just about half an hour or so more to the official end of the workweek. Yay!

This past week has been uneventful, except for our usual lunch nonsense and workload. I do have some "homework" to do over the weekend too... Some files to complete. The strange thing is that so far, I've only barely managed to finish my stuff before the next week comes around. I have got to put in more effort next time around.

I need to go shopping again soon. Clothes or shoes or just plain stuff to use... And I need to set aside sometime next week to meet up with a couple of friends... We'll see how it goes; it all depends on whether our schedules can work out coincidental free times.

Gosh, feeling really sleepy right now... From a great sushi lunch, adding on the energy-sapping work all week; I'm feeling all used up and weary... Wanna go and sleep and laze about in my super-comfy bed at home... Plus, with my brand new blue bedsheet and matching pillows from Aussino, it's just wonderful to fall asleep at home... Hehehehehe.... I'm going to get some other beautiful colours for my haven soon...
Can't wait... Zzzzzzzzz.

~Peace~

Dear Diary,

I have a confession.

I have been doing some serious pigging out I tell ya…
No, really… As in really pigging out on sinful stuff… Shihlin Chicken, Pasta, Lasagna, Chinese Rojak, and then today: - Indian Vegetable Briyani, etc. And that’s just in the past week or so.

Now wait, let me explain: Today is Thaipusam, so my friend/colleague Minnie, suggested going to Little India to have vegan food for lunch. The food was good of course; it’s just that the portions were so huge… The after-effects of such a huge albeit satisfying lunch was deeply regretted upon although I deserve it for being such a pig today… And the best part is that I was already feeling guilty for eating so much in the previous days. Damn it all got compounded. So much for self-control…

Oh my goodness, I feel so full!!!! I did also request my colleagues to check up on me if their calls went unanswered should I go comatose from so much food; which they faithfully did. The irony was that I didn’t even finish my food, but then again, that’s because Indian food portions tend to usually be enough to feed two people. It’s simply amazing how some can have multiple servings of rice itself, once for ‘sambar’ (lentil curry), once for ‘rasam’ (spiced soup), once for yoghurt and maybe another once more for a curry of sorts… (And, one “Indian” serving portion of rice is enough to leave me full for a whole day mind you.)

I am convinced that it certainly would be the death of me to eat like them… But I’ve seen women eat like that too, unbelievable but true… I often assume that it is probably because it is their first proper meal of the day, though it is purely an assumption that has yet to be proven true. Oh well, it is hence with great ironic regret that I had enjoyed my lunch today and then come to make a confession. Well, there it is, I’ve confessed.

Dear Diary,

Let me just put on a shoutout to say thanks to my colleague and friend, MISS MINNIE... She helped me to change my entire blog account appearance to such a great extent!! And now the blog looks so super-hip...

Well, given that I'm a HTML amateur, purely b'cus I never bothered to remember whatever I've learnt before, she has done me a huge favour to re-do my blog page...

Hence, thanks once again babe!!! :-)

Dear Diary,

Wow, it’s been quite sometime since I last put in an entry.

Just a couple of updates first.

Well, I am doing pretty ok… Still trying to stick to my new year’s resolution. (I kinda made a deal with my brother about it.) It’s not much but at least it’ll guarantee me a goal to hit through the first half of the year.
My fan club seems to be getting bigger too... Hahahaha!... No, no, don’t get me wrong; I’m no celebrity (Thank God!)! It’s just a fan club that has progressively grown as I walk to the bus stop everyday of the workweek at the same time… Annoying really but as usual, I just ignore things that prove to be a waste of time to me… But seriously, I really do sometimes wish these fellas would get a grip on things. Incidents played on a cinema screen don’t all happen in real life.
Also, a good friend of mine just became single again… I think she’s still nursing a broken heart; they’ve been together for so long you see… I have got to get her out for dinner or something soon….

Now, back to current happenings...

Anyway, it’s the middle of the first month of 2008. The weekend has just passed. It is all moving so fast. Damn, before I know it, I’ll be old… That’s a bit worrying… I need time. Time to do things in my life… To add people into my life, build relationships and to complete things. There are so many things going on for me right now… But I can’t speak about them all simply because; some things are just not meant for common knowledge. And then there are a few issues that are just not worth mentioning at all. For example, if someone irritates the crap out of you and is being a hindrance in your daily life.

All I shall say for now is this,

A show-off who consistently needs to explain and further prove his/her self-assumed superiority to others is truly amongst the lowest of classes in society.
~ Suguna.J

You may choose as you please to interpret it as being any particular form of society, whether traditional, modern or utopist. Whichever way, my statement will still hold true.
Desperation is truly the culprit of most embarrassments. Many of which the person is not entirely aware of. There are two types of awareness: conscious and sub-conscious. Knowing your faults and conscientiously choosing to ignore them is one thing; very common amongst people. But to realize a fault and yet let the devil take over inside is to say the least; quite dangerous though common too. Sublime thinking, hmmmm…

It is frankly disturbing; the way some people think… Purely because it is based on their belief system. But this is a topic for another time; when I feel more strongly about it and there is a case study for me to use and conduct analysis upon. Alas, if I am really angry I shall name the rodent who deserves to be baited, trapped and killed purely by burning her, er I mean him/her by sunlight ‘til death makes her er, I mean him/her part.

I find that sometimes I am much like a little Ally Mcbeal. In a sense that I often resort to consoling myself temporarily that in my own world, justice has been served.

I have one strong belief that stands today:-

In today’s world, no one dies to face Judgement. We answer to our sins within our lifetimes.
~Suguna.J

Meaning: All who sin or incur the pain and hate of those hurt by them pay for it all; with interest before they go. (At least, it is what I hope for to come about eventually in the evolution of ideals.)

An ideal that is positive no longer stands as easily as one that preaches the self only. But it cannot be taken that what no longer widely holds water is no longer true either. Many still believe in it, but its weakness is brought about by a lack of practice: A lack of practice that is causing us an endless loss. We are indeed killing ourselves and choosing to do nothing about it.


Oh well….. Back to the world, the arena; back to spoiling for a fight…